Well, we of course had a fun and wonderful week with our beautiful girls. Maddie has thrown about 50 fits this week, which is typical. She is quite spunky. But the highlight this week began on Friday. I came home early from work to find my wife had cracked out her Mother's Day present. It was the charcoal BBQ grill she asked for. After some begging and pleading from her, I finally consented to getting her that instead of the bowling ball I had my eyes on (remember that one Simpson's fans?).
The smell of BBQ smoke got me hungry real quick, and when I went inside she was putting an amazing dry rub of brown sugar, cumin, chili powder, and curry powder on a pair of 1 1/2 inch thick pork chops! This was a substantial improvement on the regular Friday night fare of pancakes.
We had a limited amount of time because we were going to an event that started at 5:30, hence me coming home early. Well, Elizabeth, who is just so awesome, was hoping to be thrifty and didn't put very many coals in the BBQ. She didn't want to use too many since we were only cooking 2 pork chops. Unfortunately, that meant that there wasn't enough heat to get the pork chops much above room temperature. Lesson learned. Since we didn't have the time to do more coals, we put them in the oven. Ohh! they smelled AMAZING as the sugar caramelized and made a crust.
But, we ran out of time. We needed to head down to the Marshal White Center. It is Ogden's community center and has kids programs and other things. We wanted to go because we were going to sign Megan and Melanie up for some summer classes. The registration began after their spring performance which started at 5:30, and apparently the classes fill up fast. So we turned the oven off and left the pork chops in the oven while we ran down. We'd be back in an hour, so putting them in the fridge seemed counter productive.
We got to the center and took our seats at 5:45 or so. We were treated to not 1, not 2 or 3, but about 10-12 false starts. The curtains would open and a bunch of 3 year old girls in frilly pink tutus stood ready to dance. The music would start and the girls would stand motionless, then the curtains closed. Somebody was playing the wrong track. What I didn't understand was why they kept opening the curtains and playing that same wrong track over and over and over and over. Finally, on the umpteenth try, success! and the little girls danced away.
After that, we were treated to about 10 kids playing piano solos for us. All the greatest hits. Hot Cross Buns, Mary Had a Little Lamb, and for the advanced music lovers, we even got a couple renditions of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Maddie clapped vigorously.
Next, it was 40 kids in Karate outfits. Their teacher was an avid Star Trek fan. I know because he told us a few times. I still don't know how that fit into the program, but hey I ran around Korea telling people about Jesus, so who am I to complain about him proselytizing for Star Trek. The kids bravely fought dozens of imaginary assassins that fortunately only approached only one at a time and in slow motion. Punch forward, step back, turn around, punch back, turn around, step forward, turn to the left, step left, punch, HiYA!
I did get to meet a guy I thought only exists in Coca-Cola commercials and Sean Penn films. You know, the young, hip, twenty-something African American guy, who looks handsome and intellectual, toned and thin, with awesome dreadlocks stuffed into one of those bright colored knitted hats, a scraggly yet attractive beard, who is passionate for social justice and enthusiastically drug free. Well he left the Coke commercials and you can find him choreographing dances for at-risk youth while an overweight 9 year old belts out Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone" off key. AMAZING!
All the while, my tummy is rumbling. I want that deliciously dry rubbed smoked meat. But as the minutes turn to hours and the drama club does yet another skit, I begin to realize that I am not going to risk eating that pork.
The program, thankfully, ends. The teenage kid sitting next to me gets up. I noticed him because he was sitting so incredibly erect. His back very straight, and his head would make sudden, quick movements. It was like I was sitting next to a 6'6" chicken wearing a Star Wars T-shirt and a yellow Karate belt (yes, he was in the demonstration). He bolts, because he knows something I don't. There are refreshments. Thank goodness, because it's almost 8 and I haven't eaten since breakfast. I walk over to the table and learn why Foghorn Leghorn had run so fast. Within the first 30 seconds, a swarm of kids had cleaned all the cookies and doughnuts off the plates. I literally grabbed the last two for Megan and Mel. They were happy.
I then stood in line for an hour to sign the girls up for classes. Finally we get home, but the pork chops are too risky, to eat. We decide we don't want them to go to waste, so we gave them to Taft. He loved it.
And so we come to the title of this story. The next morning we are getting ready to go. I'm standing in the hallway with Megan and Taft. I had just put on my sweatshirt and was going to the door when I got a whiff of something awful. It was a little faint, but smelled like poo. My first reaction was "is that me?" I go to grab the front of my sweatshirt and sniff it. You know you've wore a shirt too many times when it is your first suspect for the poo smell. It didn't get stronger, so I figure I'm okay, and I don't bother changing my shirt. It wasn't Megan. And then I see, there was a brown stain on my grandma's white carpet. (Why in the world anyone gets white carpet is beyond me.) TAFT! He must have rolled in crap, I think. We throw him out and block the doggie door for the day, and leave.
When we came back we noticed that under Taft's tail was a large spot of pleasantness. The pork chops didn't sit to well with him, but better him than me. Today was cold and rainy and Elizabeth had compassion on him, so she decided to clean him up so he could come into the house. That meant chaining him up with the leash, taking the hose, lifting his tail, and while trying to keep 3 VERY EXCITED little girls from getting hit with splatter or toppled by the dog, giving our large dog what amounts to an enema from a garden hose.
He didn't like it.
12 years ago
0 comments:
Post a Comment